Key Marital Duties

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Mrs. Spit made me laugh today. She has proof that she has now achieved adult status because she killed a spider. With her bare hands. All by herself. She comments that this is one of Mr. Spit's key marital duties. That and lifting heavy stuff.

That got me thinking about why there is a 'Tim' in my own life. What are his unwritten marital duties? I don't believe that we've ever mapped it out before, and after 14 years, it is probably high time that we did.

First and foremost, Tim is reponsible for the mechanical things. I am quite good at 'holding this right there, like that' but my mechanical skills extend no further than that. In fact, one of the first things he ever did for me was to take a look at my car. It was going through a phase where it would either start on the first try, or not at all. Despite the fact that it had been to a mechanic twice who put one of those computer thing-a-bobs on it and pronounced "There's nothing wrong with this car". Twice, mind you, which led to me beating my head on the steering wheel of a car that would not start and repeating over and over, "It could be worse. There could be something wrong with it." Yep. Tim fixed that, and that was a very important thing to a single mother working a probationary factory job (janitor) that could fire me at will for missing work.

Secondly, Tim is responsible for the whole snake removal/killing thing. Even if he is on the toilet when I discover one in the basement. This is non-negotiable. He must come when I scream.

Those two things. Those are key. In return, I do solemnly swear that I will eat all of his tomatoes. He does hate tomatoes, and sneaks them over to my plate. I cover for him.

I suppose there are other things too, but this is all about the key marital duties, and I think we have covered the big stuff.