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Have you ever lived somewhere that felt more like home than anywhere else? Well, that is how I feel about Richmond, Virginia. I really don't know why I feel that way about it. Sure, we lived there for quite a few years during and after I attended college at VCU, but that isn't the reason. I hated all the traffic and the people who ran red lights at every light. I hated finding dead homeless people in the alley behind our home. I certainly hated the Henrico police, who were complete idiots (and assholes). I hated the public schools with their principals who made sexually suggestive remarks to middle school girls. I hated how neighbors would always park in your driveway even though they had their own. I hated how you could get towed if you parked in front of your own home during the Christmas parade, because the city wanted those spots for tourists. I hated the amount of crime towards other citizens. One New Years, some mental guy butchered an entire family- my oldest daughter knew one of their daughters. Quite disturbing. I hated how any time you were not in a vehicle downtown, you would always get asked for a dollar by some homeless person. The rent was high and Virginia Dominion Power nearly broke everyone with the high costs of their utility bills every month. They also had no problem with turning off your power if you were a day late. Same goes for the water utility. Complete assholes who NEVER wanted to work with you. But it did teach us the value of real books. I could list many other things I hated.
But there were also good things too. We loved going to Maymont with the kids. The movie theaters did free movies for the kids during the summer. You could almost always find what you needed because there were so many stores. The kids had the most wonderful pediatrician. We loved taking walks at night past all the beautiful historic homes around Monument Avenue. There was always activity. Places were open later for us night-owls. Richmond also doesn't get as cold as it does here and there is a longer growing season. There was a nice farmer's market downtown. There is the lovely James River, although I wouldn't want to get in the water because of all the dead bodies that have been found in it. We also liked going to the Botanical garden, for the beautiful flowers not the snobby people. I loved going to Strange's. They carried a decent selection of seeds in the spring and had greenhouses full of plants. Plus there were no mountains anywhere in view to make you feel trapped. The ocean was only about two hours away to escape to when you were feeling overwhelmed or upset.
What I loved most of all is that I felt free. I was almost a completely anonymous person. Here, there are too many people who know me and I dread running into someone when I'm out. I really don't care to talk to the guy who used to be the boy who always tried to cheat off me in Geography class in tenth grade. I really don't want to talk to the guy Nathan used to hang out with when we were first dating, who always acts amazed at the number of kids we have. I really don't want to run into the bully who picked on me relentlessly in school until I finally turned on him and kicked him right in his junk. I really don't want to run into my ex-boyfriends or Nathan's ex-girlfriends. Or I would like to go shopping without my stepmother seeing us and tattling to my father. They act like we are supposed to never need anything but groceries. Or god forbid, we just want some small item. We are human after all. My father and stepmother actually followed us through town one day. So now we are always looking behind us or scanning the parking lots for their vehicles. I know, it sounds like we're paranoid, but I would much rather keep my distance and avoid confrontations. I just can not keep my mouth shut when they say mean things to us and our family. So we stay home a lot or drive way out of the way, like to Harrisonburg. I do get restless staring at the same walls every single day.
There is one other place that captures my heart, the Virginia Eastern Shore. It is just as desolate as here, if not more so, but it has the ocean. The ocean makes up for the lack of anything else. The beaches are almost like wild beaches. I hate the fake, manicured beaches like Virginia Beach- although I would even take that right now. I haven't been to the beach in three years and I don't know how much longer I can take it. My father made the mistake of taking me to Chincoteague as a child, and the place haunted my thoughts for years until I was able to return as an adult. After that I made at least yearly trips to Chincoteague. When I began to feel too overwhelmed with the hardships of life, I ran to the beach. My father never understood my reasons and just fussed that it was a waste of money. Spending entire days walking or sitting on the beach watching and listening to the ocean made me feel better. I would go back home feeling calmer and able to handle things again. I desperately need that now with all the things going on. Sometimes I think I will never see Chincoteague and the beach again. I know it is a morbid thought but I worry that I will die before I can go back. It's a legitimate concern since I am so ill. Chincoteague is much further away from where we live now. Do any of you feel as I do about the ocean?
Since we have the looming eviction from our home coming up in the near future, we've been thinking a lot about these two places. Nathan asked me if I would rather move back to the Richmond area or to the Eastern Shore (if money wasn't in the picture) and I feel torn between the two places. I love both places. But of course it really doesn't matter because we won't be going to either. We'll be totally homeless. Well, that's not true because we could always pay for a weekly room in a motel, so we wouldn't technically be considered homeless. Sounds like fun. Ten people in one motel room. And we'd have to give up our beloved chickens. Thanks VDOT.
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